Something so simple as confronting a person to make a change can be so stressful. Especially when you’re going through a season of change and uncertainty. A few weeks ago, I was that person struggling through my season of change. I felt alone, frustrated and hurt. I did not doubt that God had a plan for me, I just felt like I needed a sign or explanation.
I found out I was losing my job last month. Life wasn’t going the way we planned (does it ever?) and I was becoming more frustrated when things changed. I was wondering why I couldn’t find a job, worried about not having income, considered photography full time and being scared of failure. Honestly, I wanted to be a full-time photographer but I also didn’t want to quit working for someone else. Believe it or not, I love working for other people.
Anyways, I was beginning to have panic attacks again. I forgot how painful they were and how much anxiety hurt me. Living with anxiety is one thing but actually having a trigger click on the attacks is another. The stress wasn’t worth it. And to make things worse, I felt like I was left to figure it out on my own.
To be 100% real, this is to show how things happen differently than we expect. I’m not trying to make my husband look bad. He’s amazing. However, he wasn’t helping me. And by helping, I mean he wasn’t leading me. Now, I’m really hard to lead because I’m independent and stubborn. I can do things on my own. And he knowns what I’m capable of. But he missed a few things.
The moment things began to change is when he prayed over me. We pray but we rarely pray together. It’s sad to come to the realization. Waking up to another dreadful day instantly became better when he prayed over me while I was still in bed, right before he ran out the door to go to work. I felt comfort and confidence. I knew he loved me because he lifted me up in prayer. Something so simple changed everything.
To some people, it was just a prayer. Some words that made me feel good. Coincidence perhaps. In reality, God was waiting for us to come together before He revealed His path for us. I got a call later to come in for an interview and left with two job offers. Something I had been so worried about because I felt lost and hurt.
That was the day I fell even more in love with my husband.