My husband and I went to the Passion conference in January with our college group. We seriously love those humans. I honestly thought that conference would be the door way to an amazing 2018, full of blessings, positivity, and bliss. I was on cloud 9 with very little sleep (like 5 hours total) and enjoying building new genuine relationships with these “kids”. I call them my kids, but I’m only a few years older than them. Super weird to think about it in that perspective but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Coming back from Passion, we witnessed a baptism that could have moved mountains. I absolutely loved witnessing her heart crave a relationship with Him enough to get re-baptized. I was able to fully relate because I was “double-dipped” when I was 20, but that’s a story for another time. After moving and shaking the group, our lives were hit hard. I was hit in a 6 car pile-up (I’m fine… Priscilla was totaled). Some of the kids were hit with some major life struggles. A couple of them decided to leave our church for personal reasons, one of them my best friend. The other mentors have had life changes like surgery, remodeling, etc. It’s been crazy and it’s only April.
While I cannot personally speak about everything I want to right now with things going on in my life, I’ll definitely write about it later. Being in the middle of another life transition, I realized that I don’t fully rely on God. I rely on Him for so many things. I also hate the phrase “Let go and let God” because I’ve seen it used as an excuse to be lazy and expect God to drop everything in their lap without effort on their part. Being driven to not be that person, I take it all upon myself to fix and I literally can’t. I don’t know why I think I can but I can’t. And how can I mentor others if I can’t give my hurts, fears, worries, issues, etc to God? How can I expect them to do the same if I don’t put effort into it.
This thought came from my Spotify playlist “Not Today Satan”. Branan Murphy’s song “Enough” was playing and it hit me… I allowed myself to believe God is not enough for me. It’s easy to do really. Especially in a world where we want instant gratification and want to be told what we want to hear. If someone say “no”, I’ll do it myself. If someone is too slow in their actions, I’ll do it myself. The same mentality is being used in our upward relationship as it is in our side-to-side. [Our “upward relationship” is our tie to God. Our “side-to-side relationship” is our connection with other humans.]
It hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized that I was treating God like that. I deal with feeling unworthy and to show God that I think that little of Him… oh mercy. He is the hole-filler of our hearts. Why would I think He can’t handle my minuscule issues? He is willing to move mountains for us with the tiniest bit of faith from us. Thank goodness for that wonderful Grace he blesses us with… even when walls are crumbling around us. He is more than enough… Always and Forever.
In case you haven’t heard “Enough” by Branan Murphy, check it out: